Miss Lisa and Miss Atay
Saturday, August 02, 2003
salman and i were up til like probably past 6am talking last night. we talked about random thigns as usual, but a more serious topic came up... about "exs"... we didn't go into too much detail about it, we didn't even mention names, but we did speak of it a bit... it told him a little about my mot recent ex and he told me about his. he said it was completely over, but i coldn't help thinking about it.. and everytime i think about it (like today at dinner for instance) i lose my appetite and i get really sick to my stomach. we were tlaking about being careful with our ex's bc we werent sure if feelings on their behalf were still there.. and he was telling me that he was very difficult for his ex to get over.. that, for instance, she would call him crying, wanting things to be back the way they were and so on.... it was a little uncomfortable talking about it, but only cuz we didn't really know how to explain... anyway, thinking about that gets me sick man. why? maybe cuz i know how it is...
but not only that... lisa, i dont ever want to go through that again. never again, i told myself. i don't want to get attached like that and get hurt like that. i know how it is, and i know it would be worse if it ever happened to me again. especially because i'm smarter now. are we downright fools when it comes to falling in love? i'm freakin scared to get attached... and i've managed not to get myself that attached to anyone since boyfriend#1... i really like salman... we have a great relationship... but what if this is what's going to finally get me... what if we just keep going, and i fall for him, and he pushes me away? i've never been this scared. i don't know why i'm scared. usually, im gutsy enough to do what it takes to avoid it, but it seems to be unavoidable now... i like him too much?
sigh. welps, please pray for me.
Wednesday, July 30, 2003
welps! conference is over. it was cool. i was telling ada i think i left with more hurts than i came with. hahaha. but it's okay, that was just how i felt initially. i definitely felt down after conference on our way home. i guess i was just overwhelmed with hurt. but i guess i just needed time to myself. i'm refreshed now. and i feel good. it was more of an empowerment conference. very cool. i asked God to work however He wanted, whatever way He wanted. and He sure did. conference isn't always about hurts and healing. so it's cool.
welps, hopefully everythigns great with you. just wanted to drop a hello. wusuuup. talk to ya laters.
